Please welcome a new blogger here at blue cheddar: Representative S. Lee Zball. I”m trying to convince him to write a regular advice column.
Dear politicians and operatives:
Did you hear what happened to Scott Walker?
He got a lot of sweet NRA money for letting every red-blooded man, woman, and toddler have a gun in Wisconsin – $815,660 from the NRA just to fight the recall. Got us conceal carry. And castle doctrine. And you no longer have to keep your AR-15 in a case in your vehicle. Remember how hard it was to shine deer from your ATV? (HA! I sound like I give a shit about the DNR. They’re done too!)
You know how they say teach a man to fish and..something, something .. something? Now they’re saying feed Walker a check and he’ll do everything but shine your brass.
But then along comes ANOTHER mass shooting and another. He did GREAT with the Sikh shooting, remember? It was that turban he wore. But this Connecticut thing…
He got a quick briefing from the guys at the top – like we all do. This time they said talk about a violent crime that didn’t involve a gun. It’s just a new way to say, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people”. Brilliant.
I personally brought up that China stabbing. Not good. None of those 22 kids died. (Damn). I got bad information. And it happened to Scott Walker, too. He made up a bow and arrow murder and got a big ‘pants on fire’.
It just shows you it can happen to anybody. Sometimes there’s no time to double check your facts or put a bow on your bullshit sandwich. If that happens, do what Werwie did here: When that god damn reporter Dan Bice asked Walker’s press secretary what “impact” the NRA money had on how Walker sees guns, Werwie said, “None”. One word, like our state motto. In fact instead of “Forward” think “None”.
So that’s all I have to say, Patriots. : Keep it short, keep it simple, and remember – if you’re going to do more, make sure your victims are good and dead or its YOUR ass that’s grass with your pants on fire.
Representative S. Lee Zball
P.S. – Politifact says a Wall Street Journal reporter was there – like they were forced into doing this ‘pants on fire’ thing because of witnesses? Can’t we keep the wrong reporters away like what they do in the Capitol building?
P.S.S. – In case you were wondering, this is a satirical work. There is no actual Representative S. Lee Zball (that I’m aware of). Any likeness to a real politician named “Zball” is purely coincidental.